Cities for you, readers, here is another one in Japan during Moon-watching Season.

Kyoto, Ancien Haute Couture of Modern Japan

It is only true in the evenings in August
cars desist, Shrines are lit, manners polished
The city of Kimono’d women fills again
ancient ghosts walk streets chattering
here they pass through gates 600 years ago
red silks rustle, parasols reflect yellow globes
servants, faithful since eternity, prepare tatami
sweet grass beckons on a hillside near
empty temples, forlorn and lone shrines
Samurai who walk in contemplation see
the pride of Kyoto in their finest color
arrayed like flowers on the hillside
watched by Empress and peasant here alike
the moon above polished bridges, bamboo
stands, quiet ponds, distant mountain shapes
The moon, the moon, the moon is rising now
and ghosts, ten thousand on the hillside sigh
down centuries, this ritual passes to children
Ghosts, shrines, golden silk and a pretty city
storing ancestors and remnants of historical desire.

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About dragonpoet

But sometimes what you write is neither polished nor useful. Then it arrives here. With lots of sentence fragments and beginning ideas. If you wish, please comment on what you find. If you don't like the politics, don't comment. Here, we deal with the writing.
This entry was posted in Blogroll, City Poems, Poetry. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Cities for you, readers, here is another one in Japan during Moon-watching Season.

  1. So, you know I like that one and you know why.

  2. Dustin says:

    I see the city, in your writing.
    “the moon above polished bridges, bamboo
    stands, quiet ponds, distant mountain shapes.”
    This stanza, if I may call it that was a little hard for me. I would have written the moon above, polished bridges. I really like your stuff, your prose is terrific. What I wonder is this; I see your city, but where are you? How does this all make you feel and in-tern relate to you or the reader? I don’t know, trying to criticize some one else’s poetry is like criticizing the way they breath.

  3. dragonpoet says:

    Well,

    That is one of the finest comments I have ever received. “I” am not in the poem. This gives me a whole new perspective in which to see these words, and a new way of thinking about how I express images and feelings on the page.

    New ways of looking are rare and difficult to come by, since our minds are essentially conservative things. Thanks immensely for the ideas. A rewrite, of course, will be forthcoming.

    Noting what is missing, or alternate ways of combining phrases, enjambement, or images is not criticism; it is like a friend saying “look what I see.”

    If you called me a “pedestrian hack,” that would be criticism indeed, but that includes judgments on my capability and your claims to aesthetic piety. Leaving judgment out, we can discuss what is there with civility.

    Thanks for the pointers.

  4. Michael says:

    Wonderful imagery depicting the majestry which is the Japanese culture. You have a great sense of “picture”

  5. clartedubois says:

    So beautiful.
    The moon, the moon, the moon is rising now…

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